Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Bad Person Spotlight: Bad People Who Do Not Recognize That They Are, In Fact, Bad People


“Misattribution is the sincerest form of flattery.”
-Ted Danson

As we say in the industry, bad people are those who gravitate towards false understandings of themselves; in other words, those individuals whom we would describe as bad tend to not recognize that they are, in fact, bad. ‘Badness’ is a very clear-cut case in this respect: if you do not find your name on the patent-pending ‘Good People’ list, there is a statistically-significant chance that you are a bad person. Thus the imperative of the ‘Good People’ list: those interested in not being bad people should peruse the contents of the soon-to-be-published list and take a moment to reflect upon those fortunate enough to be named and the deeds that could have earned them their spot, take stock of their own character, and then proceed to stop being bad. It’s really quite simple.

Sure, the ethics of the List may be called into question since we posed as yet another ‘nude celebrity photo archive’ but when you think about it, is there a better way to get a message out there? No. The List does not respect your ethical boundaries as it serves a higher purpose: to systematically expose the good as the bad, and the bad as also the bad. Badness runs amok in our day and age; we cannot hide from it, only follow the rubric of the List and name every bad person on the planet that is or has ever been.

The creation of the List Par Excellence is a watershed moment in the history of western culture. The onslaught being wreaked upon our country today by hippies, NBC/CBS Primetime Television, and Christian Slater cannot be tolerated lest the black hole at the heart of CSI: Miami become our daily reality. A grand gesture of solidarity is now incumbent upon all Americans, old or young, fat or not-quite-as-fat—a collective symbolic exchange which I call ‘mass-masochism’© wherein each Michael Fassbender-loving American will cast their eyes upon the List Par Excellence and discern their place amidst the cosmos. Just as our ancestors joined together to end the threat posed by Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini, so too now must we unite to stem the steady creep of cultural suffocation wrought by the graft and scheming of Christian Slater and Michael Bay. Our fathers understood the necessity of shared sacrifice in the face of overwhelming evil; we must carry on their legacy and read the List Par Excellence obsessively, every day to ensure the terrorists don't win and a cultural 9/11 (x 10,000) never happens on our fair shores.

America! where will you find yourself upon the List?

2 comments:

  1. The title of the List uses the Power of the Spectacle against itself. The most empty of phrases and search prompts (nude photos) reveals instead an instance of pure trans-subjective communication, itself the locus of all authentic community. Here the revolution begins, here the programmatic ethic for morally adrift Modern Man, deluged in a maelstrom of Nothing, unconceals itself. Rest easy, o ye lost souls, for here is your God and the ultimate signifier from which all else gains meaning.

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    Replies
    1. Let the List Par Excellence guide ye troubled souls that ye may find rest within its exhaustive inclusiveness. Come unto the List, fill thy bosom with knowledge of the Good and the Bad; bask in the radiant glow of its certainty; become full in the face of emptiness; and find joy in the fraternity of the List and the company of thy fellow men who share disdain for the stupid things of the world.

      There is a time and a season for all things. Now is the season of the List.

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